Its not just it.

Whenever things goes wrong, i have to face it myself.
I feel there's no one supporting me.
This is whr the problem lies.
I'm getting more and more like a useless bum..
Smoking, drinking, and fooling around..
I didn't know that was me.
Who used those methods to solve and get away from problem.

I've not waken up from my mamaland.
Nobody's gna wake me up and im not gg to wake up.
Sleeping makes me think of nothing and just rest.
I just love this life and that's all.

You said if you were to bitch, not gna be as bitch as me. but have u ever thought how much thee words would pierce? In case you have no idea of it, let me tell you. it hurt as though i fell from 12 storeys to ground floor. Whenever i think of past, my heart would hurt so much. very much and the pain is killing me. Tears would well up in my soggy eyes, but i nvr fail to stop it, thinking it would nvr change any facts. I did not camouflage this paragraph is becuz i wan you to see. I wan u to see how much goals have u scored. If i had nvr went to the cruise, i would have celebrated ur birthday. but it is just fated that we could not have time tgt. Even we had the chance, u have nvr given me a hope. Pls dont blame me for whatever i do. You shuld think bout the main source of it. There's many ifs in my life. I wan those things to happen. but i knew it was a wishful thinking of mine. Maybe this is really a full stop to everything. God bless you. Hope you get ur caring, kind, protective and patient and forgiving in the next part of your life.