Once again, i gathered my courage to look at the archives. I told myself i won't shed a tear. Becuz it was my fault for chasing all these away. But i failed. Becuz its my fault, that is why im tearing for not cheishing it. Look at how we were in the past. How possible you want me to let go. One of your label, "tc okay :) noone will be contaolling you anymore". But now i want. I rather throw everything away including my brothers. I just want a return of the past. I want you back... I want to watch movie with you, go find you after school. Wait for you to end, I want to share your sorrows and happiness. I want to talk to you on the phone till i fall asleep.. I dunno what to do anymore.. Really i can't let go. Just like how you can't let go, i also can't.I want you to heartsoft again. I want to win you back.. I don't you to hate me.
But if you really wanna hate me, I cannot do anything. All i can say is i wish you happiness and take care of yourself. Don't let yourself fall again..
I gues this time you really not gonna heartsoft for me anymore. Looking back and regret, not knowing i will regret more. All i can say is i'm sorry and i will not do it. And everytime quarrel i would say this. I guess This already don't work for you. You say you hate me, hate bah. I dunno what to do to win you back anymore. Give up, i Don't want. Carry on, i don't think you want. I dunno what to do already, sorry. I cannot ive you anything. From the start, i din't give u happiness, that's why now everything ended up like that. Now you wanna leave me, i cannot do anything. I sent you so many msges. But you dint read it. I said i don't want to end like this. But you dint read. Maybe this is god's will...
对不起...
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Went to school today, yesterday night was kinda excited cuz agnes influenced me!
Ok so i was late on the first day of MY school day! Then morning, went detention area, saw someone jitao spoil mood liao~ then next saw crislyn but i think she nvr see me? And next news was, edwin kenna sent home cuz of his hair! HAHA. then mood started to swing when i saw another dog, which really spoils my mood. See him straight away pui nua! Geraldine scold me for being disgusting and inconsiderate :<
Bfore maths lesson, Geraldinectkq pulled me go find that "girl". HAHA, but i was reluctant, so i turned into the toilet. When we came out of the toilet, HAHAHAHAHA that girl was drinking water from the water cooler! I jitao laugh out loud. Aftermath, idk why she still wanna walk to the end of the block. Then saw the 鼻子断! HAHA we both were disturb that 鼻子断! Today, my mood went up and down periodically. What's wrong?!
I'm so glad, cuz for so long, today is the first time you took initiative to msg me. Should i smile or sad face?
Ok so i was late on the first day of MY school day! Then morning, went detention area, saw someone jitao spoil mood liao~ then next saw crislyn but i think she nvr see me? And next news was, edwin kenna sent home cuz of his hair! HAHA. then mood started to swing when i saw another dog, which really spoils my mood. See him straight away pui nua! Geraldine scold me for being disgusting and inconsiderate :<
Bfore maths lesson, Geraldinectkq pulled me go find that "girl". HAHA, but i was reluctant, so i turned into the toilet. When we came out of the toilet, HAHAHAHAHA that girl was drinking water from the water cooler! I jitao laugh out loud. Aftermath, idk why she still wanna walk to the end of the block. Then saw the 鼻子断! HAHA we both were disturb that 鼻子断! Today, my mood went up and down periodically. What's wrong?!
I'm so glad, cuz for so long, today is the first time you took initiative to msg me. Should i smile or sad face?
Monday, June 28, 2010
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Just woke up, Home alone.
Dreamt a dream. Grandma says since nobody cares why not let go. Quarrels everyday, does it means we both really care? No, she said she don't care. Action speaks louder than words. At times you encourage me, at times, you said you're afraid you would disappoint me. What do you want me to do? Can give me a definite answer? I swear if you want me to do the "action speaks louder than words", i wil definitely show it to you. Its the answer from you that matters.
School today, din't attend. Whole body injuries, mind confused, eye swollen how to concentrate? FML. I know school today would be fun. Haiz, but, still not prepared for the worst yet. I hope school never reopens. I don't want see shit things anymore.
Dreamt a dream. Grandma says since nobody cares why not let go. Quarrels everyday, does it means we both really care? No, she said she don't care. Action speaks louder than words. At times you encourage me, at times, you said you're afraid you would disappoint me. What do you want me to do? Can give me a definite answer? I swear if you want me to do the "action speaks louder than words", i wil definitely show it to you. Its the answer from you that matters.
School today, din't attend. Whole body injuries, mind confused, eye swollen how to concentrate? FML. I know school today would be fun. Haiz, but, still not prepared for the worst yet. I hope school never reopens. I don't want see shit things anymore.
Friday, June 25, 2010
Went work real late today because my Mr Edwin can't wake up! He listened to songs like one emo kid and fell asleep. He woke up and said, "omg my ears cannot hear liao!" So stupid right? Omg one whole week never make sales. Want die liao~
Tomorrow going sentosa with clique + some other people. Hopes gonna be fun and not boring :>
That's all folks!
I feel i fat le >:
Tomorrow going sentosa with clique + some other people. Hopes gonna be fun and not boring :>
That's all folks!
I feel i fat le >:
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Recently, just had this hardfelt feelings back. IDK what to do with my feelings, seriously.
I hope i really can forget everything. I miss someone yet that person's not turning back for me. What esle can i do? I messed up everything. Now i'm expecting everything to come back That's impossible! How shameful i am! Haiz. Maybe i really should let go everything bah. it would be better. If from the start i waited, now i would have the answer already. Looking back and regret, not knowing i've done more. I was willing to wait. But at times your words really pierce. For all i wanted, i can wait. But all along, i was just waiting for you to say u wan me to wait. I always had confidence i won't break you down again. But maybe now, nothing's gonna happen again. You're a different person...
Yesterday, had nightmares and woke up so many times. And in those mares, somepeople kept showing up. The things i don't wanna happen, happened in the dreams! Is this sort of, like, comes true or something? When i woke up, i hope you would be here with me. Because i was really so scared and afraid. But well, impossible!
Where's the one i've been missing for so long? come back..
I hope i really can forget everything. I miss someone yet that person's not turning back for me. What esle can i do? I messed up everything. Now i'm expecting everything to come back That's impossible! How shameful i am! Haiz. Maybe i really should let go everything bah. it would be better. If from the start i waited, now i would have the answer already. Looking back and regret, not knowing i've done more. I was willing to wait. But at times your words really pierce. For all i wanted, i can wait. But all along, i was just waiting for you to say u wan me to wait. I always had confidence i won't break you down again. But maybe now, nothing's gonna happen again. You're a different person...
Yesterday, had nightmares and woke up so many times. And in those mares, somepeople kept showing up. The things i don't wanna happen, happened in the dreams! Is this sort of, like, comes true or something? When i woke up, i hope you would be here with me. Because i was really so scared and afraid. But well, impossible!
Where's the one i've been missing for so long? come back..
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Once upon a time...
In my life so far, there's this person name M.
M was so close to me when we were together. I went to M's house everyday, we shared everything together. We did many things together. When my grandfather passed away, M attended the funeral, and came everyday to accompany me, share my sorrows. But, one day, something happened. We broke up. M broke down drastically. Drinking everyday to hide sorrows, smoking so hardly. When i went to M's house to get my school bag that time, I opened the door ad entered the house. I saw M drank so many bottles of Vodka. My heart began to soften and soften. I threw away all the bottles of vodkas and paid M the money for it. M refused, and gave it back to me. I hugged M and said it was my fault to break up. Dont be like this. M cried and cried. And the last time, i accompanied M to sleep, then leave house.
Maybe its my fault for not treating her well. That's why she did that. I would like to apologise to all my past r/s.
Love=misery
I will not give anyone misery anymore.
M was so close to me when we were together. I went to M's house everyday, we shared everything together. We did many things together. When my grandfather passed away, M attended the funeral, and came everyday to accompany me, share my sorrows. But, one day, something happened. We broke up. M broke down drastically. Drinking everyday to hide sorrows, smoking so hardly. When i went to M's house to get my school bag that time, I opened the door ad entered the house. I saw M drank so many bottles of Vodka. My heart began to soften and soften. I threw away all the bottles of vodkas and paid M the money for it. M refused, and gave it back to me. I hugged M and said it was my fault to break up. Dont be like this. M cried and cried. And the last time, i accompanied M to sleep, then leave house.
Maybe its my fault for not treating her well. That's why she did that. I would like to apologise to all my past r/s.
Love=misery
I will not give anyone misery anymore.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Went to work today, then went shopping spreeeee!
Bought one thick hoodie, & one shirt from New Look.
Tomorrow's gonna buy one shoes which cost 99.90!
& one pants, look abit like Denim pants but it isn't! Wah the Cotton On's Denim pants ran outta stock! Ok nvm, even after sale, im still gonna buy it :D
& One school shoes. Havent decide on which pair yet :]
Photos, uploading later when edwin HOOOOO uploads it.
And and i'm sleeping without fan tonight! That stupid fan's faulty!
Bought one thick hoodie, & one shirt from New Look.
Tomorrow's gonna buy one shoes which cost 99.90!
& one pants, look abit like Denim pants but it isn't! Wah the Cotton On's Denim pants ran outta stock! Ok nvm, even after sale, im still gonna buy it :D
& One school shoes. Havent decide on which pair yet :]
Photos, uploading later when edwin HOOOOO uploads it.
And and i'm sleeping without fan tonight! That stupid fan's faulty!
Monday, June 21, 2010
Saturday, June 19, 2010
HAPPY BIRTHDAY :]
Firstly, Happy birthday to my mum!
Secondly, i'm sick now :[
Wondering whether would i need to go for work tmr.
Later most probably going for dinner outside. I hope mum would bring us to ion orchard! I wanna see sales! :{ HAHA yay tuesday going to buy shoes with edwin fooooooooo at suntec after work :D yay i now loaded le yay yay yay yay...
Haiz... But money can't buy everything
Secondly, i'm sick now :[
Wondering whether would i need to go for work tmr.
Later most probably going for dinner outside. I hope mum would bring us to ion orchard! I wanna see sales! :{ HAHA yay tuesday going to buy shoes with edwin fooooooooo at suntec after work :D yay i now loaded le yay yay yay yay...
Haiz... But money can't buy everything
Thursday, June 17, 2010
In case you don't understand me or don't know what i'm thinking, this is for you.
I have never open the letter you gave me. Until the day i realised you have somebody else in heart. I went to the plastic bear, Open it up. And look for your letter. I started reading, Tears flow down. I never knew what was happening. Until then.. I realised it was totally my fault for not cherishing you. I know it was past by looking at that letter. That is why at that period of time i can't let things go so easily. Everything came in a blow. I'm the one who made things like that.
When i wrote a return letter a the back of ur letter, I know i should really give up. I know i have no more chances to repent. Almost everynight i look at that letter. Just becuz you call me baby and say u love me in it. And cuz in the past, you would always sent "baby i love you,night" to me before i sleep. I know now its no longer that i can receive that type of msg. So i was abit foolish to look at that letter and take it as a goodnight msg from you. I shouldn't be so foolish. Its not coming back, i convince myself also got no point. And that letter, ir really means so much to me last time, now and ever. If you can't understand why i can't let go, you should take a look at that letter.
When you said last night that you dont wan flash back and break down, i was pondering why should i too. and by saying that, you made me think that the past no longer means anything to you. Does it meant whe i tear that piece of paper, everything will be gone, memories will still stay. And the hurt is done, it will never go away.
All i know is to make you tulan by mentioning these things. But you never take a step to understand me. You said you got it worse than me. are you sure? When you said me and S was so close and you assume i love her, i even ask you for patch. What does that means. And i never ps you and meet her, but you kept concluding that was what i did. I only lied to you once to meet her. its about the green bag.Then what about my condition? You proise you will follow me wherever i go, yet the next day i saw you with them. In that letter you say you will love me no matter what happens. Yah i know you still love me. But do you think this is the love i want? When that time i ask you to go home i even pleaded you. You don't want. You ever know i broke down in public? You said you never eat for 4 consecutive days. Then what about me? You said you broke down in school and everywhere. What about me? I'm breaking down everyday until now. I din't post anything bout S and shows that i concern. What about you? You know i can see it. Then what did you ever try not to hurt me? When you said i like someone else, i porve you by patching things up. Then now? You ever gave me chance? You said all the hurt i gave you, has made you not to gimme chance becuz you're scared. But how can i prove it? No ways i can prove it. And now u like someone else. And not giving me chance, you really make me think that person would mind alot. And this is why i dint stop thinking bout those things. I must always be the person trying to understand. but you said before, you will not let me understand you. Then who understands me?
I know i can only make you tulan, irritate you, hurt you and nothing else. I know i'm a useless person i can't make you happy. All these i know. But you also, try to understand me. Thanks.
You said i dint try to win back your heart. Yeah lah maybe to you i dint. But to me.. I think i tried my best. You blamed me for you falling in love with someone else. You think i want? I did everything just for a reason. Whatever i did was for you. Anyways, what for we ponder so much. What for we quarrel so much. We're much lesser than friends.
Shall not irritate you further. Please be happy and never fall again ok.
I have never open the letter you gave me. Until the day i realised you have somebody else in heart. I went to the plastic bear, Open it up. And look for your letter. I started reading, Tears flow down. I never knew what was happening. Until then.. I realised it was totally my fault for not cherishing you. I know it was past by looking at that letter. That is why at that period of time i can't let things go so easily. Everything came in a blow. I'm the one who made things like that.
When i wrote a return letter a the back of ur letter, I know i should really give up. I know i have no more chances to repent. Almost everynight i look at that letter. Just becuz you call me baby and say u love me in it. And cuz in the past, you would always sent "baby i love you,night" to me before i sleep. I know now its no longer that i can receive that type of msg. So i was abit foolish to look at that letter and take it as a goodnight msg from you. I shouldn't be so foolish. Its not coming back, i convince myself also got no point. And that letter, ir really means so much to me last time, now and ever. If you can't understand why i can't let go, you should take a look at that letter.
When you said last night that you dont wan flash back and break down, i was pondering why should i too. and by saying that, you made me think that the past no longer means anything to you. Does it meant whe i tear that piece of paper, everything will be gone, memories will still stay. And the hurt is done, it will never go away.
All i know is to make you tulan by mentioning these things. But you never take a step to understand me. You said you got it worse than me. are you sure? When you said me and S was so close and you assume i love her, i even ask you for patch. What does that means. And i never ps you and meet her, but you kept concluding that was what i did. I only lied to you once to meet her. its about the green bag.Then what about my condition? You proise you will follow me wherever i go, yet the next day i saw you with them. In that letter you say you will love me no matter what happens. Yah i know you still love me. But do you think this is the love i want? When that time i ask you to go home i even pleaded you. You don't want. You ever know i broke down in public? You said you never eat for 4 consecutive days. Then what about me? You said you broke down in school and everywhere. What about me? I'm breaking down everyday until now. I din't post anything bout S and shows that i concern. What about you? You know i can see it. Then what did you ever try not to hurt me? When you said i like someone else, i porve you by patching things up. Then now? You ever gave me chance? You said all the hurt i gave you, has made you not to gimme chance becuz you're scared. But how can i prove it? No ways i can prove it. And now u like someone else. And not giving me chance, you really make me think that person would mind alot. And this is why i dint stop thinking bout those things. I must always be the person trying to understand. but you said before, you will not let me understand you. Then who understands me?
I know i can only make you tulan, irritate you, hurt you and nothing else. I know i'm a useless person i can't make you happy. All these i know. But you also, try to understand me. Thanks.
You said i dint try to win back your heart. Yeah lah maybe to you i dint. But to me.. I think i tried my best. You blamed me for you falling in love with someone else. You think i want? I did everything just for a reason. Whatever i did was for you. Anyways, what for we ponder so much. What for we quarrel so much. We're much lesser than friends.
Shall not irritate you further. Please be happy and never fall again ok.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Today gonna go work now :]
yesterday, can say mood ok, can say mood abit down. Sentosa wasn't really fun. People's mood down, or kept wanna leave. Sianz.
Sorry bros especially ks. He tried to make me laugh but i'm sorry i don't have the mood to laugh. So just a fake smile will cover everything. also dont want cover him with wet blanket. Pictures is in fb.
I know you have been stalking him. You just can't get him outta your mind right? I can understand. I'll let him have you instead.
yesterday, can say mood ok, can say mood abit down. Sentosa wasn't really fun. People's mood down, or kept wanna leave. Sianz.
Sorry bros especially ks. He tried to make me laugh but i'm sorry i don't have the mood to laugh. So just a fake smile will cover everything. also dont want cover him with wet blanket. Pictures is in fb.
I know you have been stalking him. You just can't get him outta your mind right? I can understand. I'll let him have you instead.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Didn't step out of house today..
Partly cuz no one's free except seb and zhihao.
Mostly cuz no money. Another day without meals again. My life like this totally sucks max.
Plus The things happening around me. I'm really so tired. Thinking and thinking and thinking.
STOP
THINKING
I hope everything would end, no matter how the ending is, i still want an end. I don't want both of us to carry on like this, hurting each other. Although i know nuts bout what u're thinking and feeling, I also feeling and "assuming" many things. Which i think might be quite true. Cuz time and action shows everything. And believe me, you'll care when you see i ain't coming back one day. Becuz this is what i felt.
Frankly speaking, Last month, i felt so helpless. And i had so much fear of receiving bad things. So fear of romance again. I just had uncontrollable bad attitudes towards everything. Its K.A.R.M.A
Its coming to get me. Even i regret now and worry now, It too late. Just like what she said, regrets always come in the end. And like what i told her. When we have it, we dont cherish it. When we realised we lost it, its not coming back anymore. and trust me, the next moment, that's what im gna say to you.
YOU.FUCKING.LOVE.FUCK.OFF
I've deleted some things, hope i won't delete the archives in future
Partly cuz no one's free except seb and zhihao.
Mostly cuz no money. Another day without meals again. My life like this totally sucks max.
Plus The things happening around me. I'm really so tired. Thinking and thinking and thinking.
STOP
THINKING
I hope everything would end, no matter how the ending is, i still want an end. I don't want both of us to carry on like this, hurting each other. Although i know nuts bout what u're thinking and feeling, I also feeling and "assuming" many things. Which i think might be quite true. Cuz time and action shows everything. And believe me, you'll care when you see i ain't coming back one day. Becuz this is what i felt.
Frankly speaking, Last month, i felt so helpless. And i had so much fear of receiving bad things. So fear of romance again. I just had uncontrollable bad attitudes towards everything. Its K.A.R.M.A
Its coming to get me. Even i regret now and worry now, It too late. Just like what she said, regrets always come in the end. And like what i told her. When we have it, we dont cherish it. When we realised we lost it, its not coming back anymore. and trust me, the next moment, that's what im gna say to you.
YOU.FUCKING.LOVE.FUCK.OFF
I've deleted some things, hope i won't delete the archives in future
Monday, June 14, 2010
What a crap.
Spent $8 to see what i dont wanna see, Hear what i dont wanna hear. what a joke.
Now, i've got nothing to eat. For the whole day i haven't been munching for even one little rice.
And i rather chose to accompany you since you insist. And i know so well the reason of you going to there instead of another. what do i get now? Expected lah ok.
You please get outta my life. Stop fooling me. I ain't you toy. If one day you'e ever in my shoe, pls look at how i am now. You totally ruined me ok. What a dog day today is. Once more, i pick myself up. And now, i won't let myself fall again. You left me with so much bruises and you just walked away like nobody's business. (Y) Nice one dude.
Spent $8 to see what i dont wanna see, Hear what i dont wanna hear. what a joke.
Now, i've got nothing to eat. For the whole day i haven't been munching for even one little rice.
And i rather chose to accompany you since you insist. And i know so well the reason of you going to there instead of another. what do i get now? Expected lah ok.
You please get outta my life. Stop fooling me. I ain't you toy. If one day you'e ever in my shoe, pls look at how i am now. You totally ruined me ok. What a dog day today is. Once more, i pick myself up. And now, i won't let myself fall again. You left me with so much bruises and you just walked away like nobody's business. (Y) Nice one dude.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Monday, June 07, 2010
WORK? WORK? WORK?
I'm starting work tomorrow. sibeh sian
momma planned it well and nice without me knowing! WTF.
Its at marine parade, its like. goddamn it far can. I could imagine how far a distance, and how long i'll have to travel everyday to and fro. i can't even meet my friends and stuffs. haiz i just hate it to work at the place i don't like. That's all. 0ne word, SIAN
momma planned it well and nice without me knowing! WTF.
Its at marine parade, its like. goddamn it far can. I could imagine how far a distance, and how long i'll have to travel everyday to and fro. i can't even meet my friends and stuffs. haiz i just hate it to work at the place i don't like. That's all. 0ne word, SIAN
Friday, June 04, 2010
Wah fuck, today is a damn great day to me. i just love it so much.
Knowing all the things i dont wanna know, hearing all the thing i don't wanna hear.
THIS IS GREAT, TRUTHFULLY.
Fuck my life. all the way.
Don't drive me mad, make me go the route that u don't want. seriously. i can be damn mean.
I can bear it when im really mad.
Knowing all the things i dont wanna know, hearing all the thing i don't wanna hear.
THIS IS GREAT, TRUTHFULLY.
Fuck my life. all the way.
Don't drive me mad, make me go the route that u don't want. seriously. i can be damn mean.
I can bear it when im really mad.
Wednesday, June 02, 2010
SAKULALALALA
Went to sakura with bro sis momma daddy.
I ate 4 chawanmushi,2 oysters, 7 prawns, 2 dorli fillet, 1 salmon fillet.
I'm gna get fat :{
its a work out day tmr. ^^
Basketball with jz and co. at school opposite ^^
That's all. TOO LAZY.
After all that happened, i found us not being close.
I guess the story hasn't ended.
I ate 4 chawanmushi,2 oysters, 7 prawns, 2 dorli fillet, 1 salmon fillet.
I'm gna get fat :{
its a work out day tmr. ^^
Basketball with jz and co. at school opposite ^^
That's all. TOO LAZY.
After all that happened, i found us not being close.
I guess the story hasn't ended.
Tanpa
Maybe malaysia tonight, or either sat.
Dint went out today, :{
but maybe tonight??? hehe ^^
Sian.. If never go mlaysia, sure go out hit the earth with bros ^.^
Tomorrow, its time to whack'em!
HAHAHAHAHAHA..
It's time to forget bout the past and carry on with life! it might make my life better man. Haha.
Paikia life \M/
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR DAD!
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